Dear John~Again with the Control Issues

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Time has flown by and summer has passed quickly.  The season is changing and school is just a few days away.  

You, however, haven’t changed a bit.

When you called Wednesday, the 14th, at 8:07 AM, and said I could have Tesla over the weekend, I requested getting her on Sunday, as Dale and I had actually made plans together, to go somewhere on a day-trip, maybe even overnight somewhere, you know, just him and I.  It sounds like “no big deal” to someone like you, but to us it was a special, little, “over-nighter”.

I asked to get Tesla on Sunday, anytime, even at 5 PM like the summer schedule states, but have her go back on Tuesday at 7, or earlier.  I was pretty much willing to go with whatever you said, beings a judge put you in charge and all.  What the hell was that judge thinking?  I just wanted to work this out between us.

So you suggest me picking Tesla up at 4 on Sunday and you retrieving her at 4 on Tuesday.  I immediately said that was fine, and meant it.  Sometimes I say “fine” to you just, because anything else would be inappropriate and you would most likely call the police.

Later, I’m guessing maybe Heather came home and heard we had agreed on the 4-4, Sunday to Tuesday agreement….let me consult my cellphone right now to be accurate….

1:15 PM Pic Message

1084844_611926978827395_86321858_o

Now mind you, I have a copy of this entire court order and don’t need you (and Heather) sending me pictures of the document.  When we were talking about this weekend and before Tesla starts school, it was trying to arrange more time for Tesla to be with me.  If you would like, I can take a picture of the court order where it states you should allow Tesla time with her mother beyond what is mandated.  Actually, I posted a copy of the entire court order online, and if you want, refer to it by page number there in the future.  That way, I won’t have to see Heather’s attempt of spelling Christmas and final decision to just write X-mas.

http://wp.me/p1j2Ur-QE <—custody order

At 1:27 PM I noticed your picture message and replied “We have an agreement.”  Seriously John, we HAD a verbal agreement.

AT 1:29 PM You responded “The court order clearly states what I thought that’s why I offered you the weekend so I guess we will just follow the court order.”

At 1:35 I responded “John 4 on Sunday to 4 on Tuesday is fine.  Why make a big deal out of what we already agreed on.”

You never responded to my text.  I think I called once, maybe twice.  Finally Tesla did call me Thursday and when I mentioned seeing her Sunday she immediately said she couldn’t come.  Do you hear the sound of her voice when she has to tell me such things?  Of course when you and I got on the phone you said I had my chance and passed.  What the hell John?!  Way to make it sound like I don’t want my child when you KNOW I do and you KNOW she is standing right there listening.  So I say, “Fine, I’ll get her Friday and she can just go where ever we go.”   Your response was exactly what I thought it would be…”I’ll let you know.”

What the hell do you mean you’ll let me know?  I don’t hear back from you for another day making it clear I wasn’t getting her on Friday.

Way to screw with my weekend, which I’m sure you enjoy.

I had texted you three times Friday, trying to get an answer.

August 16th 8:22 AM “Time I can get TT Friday?”

1:31 PM  “Are you letting TT come with me today?”

5:47 PM “Is Tesla allowed to come visit please?”

Finally, at 6:14 you text me this: “She said she like to stay here for the weekend.”  You also aren’t taking my phone calls, making it clear I can’t talk to Tesla.

At 6:34 I wrote you “So can I have her at all before school starts?  I’m sure she would like at least a day.  Please ask her.  Ty”

This morning I texted you at 8:54 AM “Are you going to let me see our daughter before school starts?”

At noon I texted you “Do you think ignoring me is appropriate?”

I still haven’t heard from you John and it is now Saturday night.  I don’t get you and I don’t appreciate being ignored.

Your controlling behavior will be your downfall.  Perhaps you should retake the kids first class because I don’t think you grasped a single concept of the “learning how to be a good co-parent for your child” program.  https://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

Will I see Tesla this weekend?  Monday?  Tuesday?  Technically, you can make me wait until next Friday at 5 to see Tesla again.

Will you do that, propping yourself up with the court order as justification to keep Tesla to yourself?

How about giving the “court order” bullshit a rest?  And if Tesla doesn’t want to visit with me, she is capable of telling me herself.

That way I will believe it, because I don’t believe even half the shit you tell me.

You and your usual ways.

~P.

 

 

Just too much

You know, I have held back from blogging about the bullshit John and Heather pull concerning my child, but Heather calling Walt, asking to bring Tesla to the hospital where my mom is, and of course him saying it was okay, is just too much.

I was at the pool party at my old home (which I still own, by the way) on Monday and even though Heather consistently had her eye on me, I didn’t say a word.  Even when John came over and informed me there would be no comments about who owns the home, I just said, “Okay.”  I KNOW who owns the home, so I don’t feel the need to comment.   Maybe someday John and Heather will own that house together, but in the meantime, they don’t.

So why Heather feels the need to call Walt and ask if she can come into the hospital with Tesla and her four kids is beyond me, other than to poke me with a sharp stick to say, “Hey, Walt talks to me!  He wants me to come to the hospital with your child.”   I’d prefer not having to talk to Walt so I’m fine with no communication.  But, if John is busy working or building a tree house or a chicken coop  or God knows what, why isn’t Tesla being offered time with me?  John said he would make sure I could see Tesla as much as possible since I will be gone for three weeks in December.  I have yet to believe he meant those words.

Heather drives Tesla and her kids to Shippensburg and Walt takes Tess and one of Heather’s girls up to my mom’s room.  The visit did not go well as the girls would not listen to my mom, running around and making noise.  I am ashamed that Tesla acted that way but I’ve spent time around Heather’s kids and they are on the wild side.  Screamers with a lot of pent up energy.   Ironically, I was told I could not post pictures of Heather’s kids on the Internet, yet Walt did yesterday and so I guess he gets a pass.  “Sam and I don’t want our children exposed on the Internet” were her words to me. (Sam is her ex, now that their divorce is finalized…Lucky him.)  Walt and John are supposedly tight; John was bragging at the pool party  about his father-in-law who plays music.  God, that must have confused the guests.  I mean, is he referring to his girlfriend’s dad?  His wife’s dad?  It doesn’t matter as long as John gets to brag about something.

Why does this piss me off so much…because I am SO fucking over being married to this man and having a father who is just like the man I married.  Talk about being doubly screwed.  I won’t feel the least bit bad when the divorce goes through and John gets a taste of the hand he has dealt me for the years now.  You get what you deserve and karma has a big handful of doo doo for him.

Ok, I feel better,

~P.

~

Dear John~6 days

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

After six days of not seeing Tesla and barely getting to speak to her on the phone, was it really to much for me to ask for 30 minutes with her to play down on the playground?  It is insulting to not only me, but Tesla also, when you say in front of her and anyone within listening range that “Tesla is going home to eat dinner with her family.”

I am her mother, you moron.  As much as you would like to pretend I don’t exist or count in her life, I very much count to her.  Who do you think is REALLY asking?  As soon as she sees me, she begins begging to leave with me or at least spend some time with me.  She’s afraid to ask you, so she asks me to do it for her.  Basically, you are telling Tesla she can’t have time with me that she desperately wants.  I drive ridiculous lengths to spend as much time with, or at least looking at, Tesla.  Asking for 30 minutes and being refused just proves your selfishness and desperate need to control Tesla and I.

Someday, just like I told her, she won’t have to deal with your stupid drama.  That’s not putting her in the middle, it’s telling her the truth.

~P.

Do you have Heather’s glove?

That’s a question I didn’t expect to hear.  Heather has a ball glove?  Where was it when she was out in the field with the kids and the ball came down, beaning her on the head?  It was a hard hit too!  I heard the resounding echo of impact from the stands.

Today, after Tesla’s practice, I just wanted 30 minutes to hang out with her.  Nope.  John had texted the reason i couldn’t have her is “You’re watch never works.”  Tesla asked me to ask her dad if she could go with me.  I told her I already had twice, but she was insistent.  I asked and he said, “no, dinner is waiting for us on the table.”

Then he asked if I had Heather’s glove.  I said no and gave him a weird look.  He said, “well her glove disappeared and I’m just asking.”

He THOUGHT I took his girlfriend’s ball glove!  I replied, “Do you want to look at it?” and held my glove out to him.

He said, “No, if you say it’s not hers, I believe you.”  (Now there is a fucking first.  He believes something I say?!)

I replied, still holding out my glove. “You can check it for her name.  I know she likes to write names on things…”

I couldn’t help myself.  All those people standing around looking at me like I had possibly stolen my husband’s, girlfriend’s ball glove.  Right after he told me I couldn’t have 30 minutes with Tesla after practice.  WHATEVER!

Also, tell your wacky, grammatically-challenged girlfriend to stop brushing my child’s teeth.

~P.

I guess Disney is over-rated

I found this amusing

I found this amusing

I waited in my car after texting “here” to announce my presence.  John came out on the porch and motioned for me to come to the house.  That is a bad sign as he technically has me court ordered to not even step onto our land.  I entered my house.  John was standing at the island and his girlfriend, Heather, was seated across from him.  John had a document in his hand for me to sign.  He insists on this paper signing when Tesla is with me at any time other than my weekends.  “What are you going to do about this dog situation?” he asked.  I was confused, not sure what he was referring to.  He continued, “I heard about Ying biting Dale.  I learned today he bit Blaine.”  John was referring to my dog Ying biting my boyfriend and a few years ago, biting my nephew.  “Ying would never bite Tesla.  It’s not even a possibility.” I replied.  I quickly signed my name to his over-night agreement and tore off my copy.  Tesla and I were anxious to exit.

“I wanted to talk to you a minute about Disney.” Heather said to me.  I couldn’t believe she was even bringing Disney up again.  After the rude texts she sent to me about being John’s sugar mama and she’s not using her divorce money to pay the mortgage but to take them all to Disney World.  Apparently John can’t go to Disney this time around.  He’s been there twice, once with his first wife and once with his ex-girlfriend Kelly.  So Heather has it in her head she should take Tesla to Disney.  I let Heather give her spiel while I kept one eye on Tesla to see her facial reactions.  Tesla didn’t seem interested in what Heather was saying which seemed strange to me.  I would have thought she would be excited, agreeing she wanted to take this trip, maybe even begging me to say yes.  Heather handed me an envelope with the dates she intends to fly to Florida and where they will stay.  As if this would suddenly make a difference, she volunteered, “Tesla can call you every day on my phone while we are away.”  I had to laugh.  “Come on Tess,” as I reached for her hand to leave.  I couldn’t listen to anymore of this woman’s babble.  After the hatefulness Heather has displayed in situations that had nothing to do with her and the jealously she holds over a man who refuses to divorce me, why would I let her take my child anywhere?

Tesla and I finally got her signed out and we both sighed in relief in the car.  I asked her what is up with this whole Disney trip and she said, “Heather says I have to go.  She said it will be fun.  She talks about it all the time.”  I digested these three sentences and thought about Tesla’s lack of input during the Heather spiel.  “You don’t want to go to Disney?” I asked, as things began to add up in my head.  “Heather will be mad.” She answered, twisting her lips into a frown.  Now I had a clear picture and that clarity was going to make this a touchy situation.  “Heather is an adult and she will get over being disappointed that you don’t go.  I’m surprised you don’t want to go.”  Tesla, speaking maturely looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s far away and too long.  I’ve been there.”  Her argument made sense and I was at a loss for words.  Only my child can let me speechless.  She didn’t want to discuss it further so I let the subject drop for the time being.

Our over-night stay was coming to a close.  Her father called because he was running late coming back from somewhere.  He wanted to know if I was going to be able to drop Tesla off at 2 pm.  He had originally said he would pick Tesla up.  I failed to notice he had it typed in the weekend agreement that I had to pick up Tesla and drop her off the next day.  He also wanted to keep Tesla the following Friday until 8:30 pm and I must pick her up.  The whole Disney World chat through me off, under normal circumstances, when I’m not drawn into their lair, I read, sign and leave.

Knowing we didn’t have much time left to our visit, I sat on the couch with Tesla and turned off the television.  “Why are you turning my show off?” she asked.  “I want to talk to you a little bit before I take you back to your dad.” I answered.  “About Disney?” she rolled her eyes.  “Yes, about Disney.” I replied.  “I just want to be sure I understand what you want to do because I’m going to have to give Heather an answer.”  “Can you just tell her I can’t go?” Tesla asked.  “I want to go away with you.”  This child knows how to tug at my heart strings without even trying.  I would love to take her to Disney World.  I’ve never even been to Disney.  “I can’t take you to Disney honey.  Maybe in a few years we can.  How about somewhere else?  Like Hershey Park?”  She smiled and asked if it was far away.  I told her no and we could probably visit grandma the same day.  “That sounds really good Mom.”

I turned the television back on and began writing my text to Heather.  Tesla reminded me she didn’t want to be in trouble for not wanting to go.  It concerned me she is that worried about the consequences of not agreeing with what her father and Heather (an adult figure, as Tess refers to her) tell her she must do.  It is just ironic that I had decided prior to even talking to Tesla that if she wanted to go, I would let her, even if I wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea.  Honestly, I was terrified of the idea of my child traveling that far away with a stranger.  In my world, Heather is a stranger.  Now I deny the trip at Tesla’s request.  I made it clear, without a doubt, that it was her decision.

I wrote my reply to Heather on my cell phone, to her cell phone, even though the last text message I received from her was, “Do not text this number again.  I’m done asking.”  I’m surprised I don’t have whiplash from these two whipping me around with their assholery.

“I talked to Tesla and she doesn’t want you or her dad to be sad or angry because she doesn’t want to go to FL.  I’m sorry but, I try to respect her decisions and based on that she won’t be going.  I trust neither of you will make this situation an issue because she make it clear to me and to pass on to you and John not to keep asking about it.  I appreciate your desire to make Tesla feel part of your trip but it just wasn’t a good idea.”

Tesla read the text as I was writing it and then I read it aloud to her to make sure she agreed with the message.  She did and I sent it.  Tesla was satisfied.  I didn’t get a response and was relieved.  More discussion was unnecessary but I realize, like with everything else, John is bound to have more to bring to my attention.  When the results are not his desires, there will be turmoil.

~P.

I was grilled and chewed up like a cheap hamburg

I was grilled tonight by John.  He is claiming I called and told Google that the business had closed.

About two years ago he claimed I purposely withheld mail to the company from Yellowbook.  He even took me to court (well tried to) over that.  It never made it before a judge because, surprise, I had nothing to do with it. Click here to read that fiasco. http://wp.me/1j2Ur

Now John knows I’m refiling for a divorce hearing before the Divorce Master.  Can you imagine that being your career title?  It even sounds brutal so I’m not looking forward to having one decide my divorce.  But, I rather a Master decide than John.

So I have no idea who, if anyone, called Google.

If only I had my pen with me, you could hear his relentless badgering about Google, and if he finds out I had anything to do with the company “being closed” he will be contacting his lawyer to sue me.  Again with the suing.

I reminded him of the Yellowbook fiasco and I resumed playing with Tesla in the yard.  I had stopped just to say hello to Tesla.

Tesla said, “I want Ying to play with Biscuit and Scout.”  Heather’s dogs have collars that are supposed to contain them in the yard.  Those collars must not work.  At first the dogs just ran around the house.

Heather looked directly at Tesla and snapped, “Get that damn leash on your dog!”  Then she looked at me and I said, “Really?  Damn?”  She responded, “You’re not even allowed to be here.” A jab at the court order barring me from my own property.  “Wow, you have balls.” and she responded, “Bigger balls than yours.”

I’m not even sure what she means by that but, if she is implying she has big balls to move herself and four kids in while John is in the middle of a divorce, well, I guess she does have bigger balls.  I didn’t expect to get in an “I’m pretty than you!” fight and just kept walking with Tesla.

But Ying ran astray to the neighbors fenced in yard.  Biscuit followed.    While Tesla walked to the neighbors to collect our dogs, she asked if I would ask her dad if she could spend some time with me.  I noticed earlier Heather’s crew was loading up to leave.  I had even moved my car to be out of the way.  I told her I would ask but I never got the chance.

“Get in the car Tesla, we’re leaving.”  I looked at Tesla while we were still a distance away and said, “I think you are leaving.”  She said, “No, I’m staying here with my dad.”

How quickly things change.

Everyone was now switching to the truck instead of the van.  Her dad was suddenly leaving and Heather was firm they were all going.  She also informed me it was none of my business who was going where, showing that fake courage she stores up for an occasional outburst.    Wow…amusing.

I just wanted half an hour with my kid.  Instead I was served up and chewed out.

Whatever.

~P.

 

 

Dear John~ If your nose grew from all the lies you tell it would circle the world twice

Letters he nevers learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

All I wanted was to spend an hour or two with Tesla today.  Such a simple request, yet it was shot down immediately.  According to you I couldn’t pick-up Tesla because Heather had plans with her.  I don’t give a damn if Heather has plans with her, she’s not Heather’s child.  And your response that Heather treats Tesla like she is hers makes no difference.  It was a losing argument for me as you are “in control.”

I KNOW Tesla did nothing special after school today because I asked her what fun thing Heather did with her and the girls.  The highlight of Tesla’s afternoon with Heather was playing Uno.  You didn’t want to interrupt those precious plans Heather made….. Oh please!  There were no special plans.  Even if there were, Mom trumps live-in girlfriend.

And last night, when your phone supposedly wasn’t working and you didn’t get my calls or texts…..come on!  You just didn’t answer the phone.  Trying to hide that you are not even WITH our child.  You disgust me.  You have no respect for your daughter’s desire to see her mother.  Instead, you push her on whoever the current girlfriend happens to be or getting double duty out of LaDonna as a secretary and child care.  Does it make you feel like a big man to deny your child her mother?

On top of your big, fat lies, Tesla tells me you have been out of town for days.  Over and over, Tesla tells me how much she misses me and then I have to learn you’re not even with her.  What ever happened to how flexible your schedule was and you are always available to care for Tesla?  It’s all bullshit and when the time comes, it will all fly back into your lying face.

I have determined that God only allowed you to procreate with me because anyone else would have lost their patience with you by now.  If it wasn’t for my even-temper, I would have long lost it on your  arrogant ass.

Lastly, for you to tell me I might “hurt” Tesla with what I write is a joke.  There is no doubt in my mind that the games you and Heather play with my child is much more painful for her than someday reading what she already knows.   That her daddy isn’t nice.

Keeping track of all your lies,

~P.

Dear John~I get it now

Letters he nevers learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Seriously, I get it now.   The planets aligned last evening and I came to a startling conclusion in the midst of a agonizing headache.  It was a brutal headache, felt like worms were nibbling their way through my brain and tap dancing with their legless bodies on every nerve ending.  Yes John, it hurt that bad.  Anyway, back to the conclusion.  Relationships that die can’t be brought back to life.  And if they are, they probably aren’t going to be as good as they were before.  This was really painful for me to wrap my head around.

Every serious relationship I’ve ever been in, beginning with my sons’ father and ending with you ended for a reason.  Attempts to repair  my three relationships ended in failure.  I wasn’t meant to be with the boys’ dad, my girlfriend or you.  Our relationship breakdown has been significantly different than my prior two.  Yours has been the most ugliest, hateful, extreme breakup and on-going divorce process imaginable.  For all the love you professed to hold for me has become laughable except it hurts so bad to be blind-sided as I was. There was so much determination within me to make this marriage work that…well, it doesn’t matter.  You are a past relationship now.  You know I still hurt.  Tesla knows I still hurt.  She can read me like a preschool book.

Do I miss our good relationship moments?  Of course.  It’s the only thing that keeps me from hating you.

I am NOT tearing up.  I refuse to waste tears on you.

~P.

P.S.  I pray, if nothing else you learned some good things during our relationship and though it can’t be saved, maybe your experiences and mistakes can help you have a sounder relationship with Heather.

P.S.S. Get out of my dreams.  They feel like nightmares.

Dear Heather~Hey what’s up girlfriend?

WRITING MY HUSBAND’S GIRLFRIEND A LITTLE LOVELESS LETTER:

Dear Heather,

See, I can even call you girlfriend and it has multiple meanings!

Let me tell you….I am just set on getting this divorce and custody taken back to the York Courthouse.  Tesla is on me every time we are alone about wanting to live with her momma.  She says she wants to live with me 14 days and John 2.  I’m not sure why she calls her dad John.  Weird huh?

It is gut wrenching to have Tesla ask me to please move home with her Daddy.  I didn’t expect John to tell her I told him she said this.  At least he didn’t “freak out” on her as she said he does do.  Tesla tells me about the trips you all take and I’m always happy for her.  I’m glad she likes you.  I’m not glad that she is so damn confused on who is married to who and the whole brother (whose name she can’t remember half the time) and sisters.  Your kids see their dad much more than I see Tesla.  Don’t you find that strange?  Or do you join in on “keeping my visits with Tesla in check?”

I take one day at a time.  Karma is driving a big rig.  He and you can’t dodge divorcing me and your husband.  Maybe your husband would like to marry his longtime girlfriend.  You and John don’t mind holding  everyone else’s lives hostage through your greediness.  You both will have to take whatever a divorce master decrees.  No matter what, I’m looking forward to my day in court and the truth will set me and Tesla free.

Courthouse parking sucks,

~P.

Abuse: A Father’s Story

This made me think back…

A Cry For Justice

The following account is provided by the father of an abuse victim, and how his daughter’s suffering forced him to come to terms with his previous position that abuse is not a biblical ground for divorce:

It is a joy to have a Daddy’s Girl, and I have two daughters to prove it! There has always been a special bond between us, and I have the natural inclination to protect my little girls. I remember special times with both growing up, and it was the greatest joy in my life to see them marry wonderful men, at least I thought they were both wonderful men (My youngest is married to a great guy!). Little did I know that one of them would be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Because of possible retaliation from the spies that my daughter’s ex has checking on her, I will identify them by A (my…

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