The Call You Don’t Want

Today I was told something that no one ever wants to hear, something that I’ve dreaded hearing for years now. My mom went back in the hospital yesterday, after being out for a few days, after being in for 19 days, because they removed her permanent port (direct IV line) for the last time. She has had 5 ports now and each lead to her getting blood infections.


Today, on my way home from work, she told me the doctors said there’s nothing else they can do. Her organs are slowly shutting down and they said it could go as quickly as a month or as long as a year. My mom is going to die way too young.
My mom and I are really close and I can’t wrap my head around her not being a phone call away. I see my friends share posts about missing their mom after they pass and I’m always thankful I still have my mom. My dad is calling Pittsburgh, another hospital she frequents, and see if they will admit her for a third opinion. I know she’s been sick for a long time, but 65 is too young to die. It’s just not right. My mom is awesome and never did anything to anyone. I pray for her all the time.
Would you pray for her also? Her name is Lorrie and she’s a wonderful mom. Pray there is a doctor that can stop her organs from shutting down.

Thank you,

~P.

A Day of Awesomeness

Today was just awesome. My husband was baptized AND my daughter Tesla. That’s right, a twofer today, in Heaven. You know there’s a celebration going on as two more believers shared their stories of accepting Jesus as their personal savior. This year our church has had 109 come forward to be baptized. That is God working there.

The day wasn’t without drama. Tesla mentioned to her father the night before that she was getting baptized today. So this morning John called and asked Tesla if she wanted him to come along. She said yes. I know this isn’t very Christian of me, but I didn’t want to have to deal with him. Hey, I’m still working on controlling my anger towards her father. Especially now that he’s divorcing yet again and already has made a dating ad online.

His soon-to-be ex talks to me. He knows it. What’s he going to say? We can’t talk? I guess I’m her listening ear through the process. I get that.

The situation just has me sick. I tell her she will get through it and come out for the better. If I can survive and have to continue to interact with him because of Tesla, she can get through it. She has her grandson and a good job and car that she can afford. I didn’t have any of that and I came through. God, family and friends and readers who read my story, followed my life through the tough times and now the good.

I got through those toughest times by leaning on God. I prayed SO much. Sometimes I wondered if I was just wasting sleeping time. The struggle was REAL. Realizing my bad choices, my lack of ability to stand up for myself, giving into demands I shouldn’t have. It’s easy to get down on yourself. Beat yourself up over the past. Don’t fall for that. Focus on the now.

Being an example to Tesla is important to me. I try so hard to not let the issues I have become Tesla’s. She looks up to me. She knows God, Jesus and church are important to me and so, they are important to her.

I am so thankful Tesla has realized her faith so young and proud of her to come forward and tell everyone. And, I’m so thankful for my wonderful husband sharing his story. This has been a fantastic day in the name of God. We had a little celebration at home after the baptism with our family and friends and our neighbors came over and shared lunch with us. We told them about the baptism and it was awesome. Invited them to church in the future…see how that works…

Now my thoughts are focused on decorating for Christmas. I can only tackle one event/holiday at a time.

Tesla was happy her dad came to see her get baptized. I was happy there was no drama.

God is Always Good,

~P.

“I’m Ready to be Done”

Tesla and I met my nephew, Blaine, and my sister, Suz, and went to see our grandmother. She’s my dad’s mom and we’ve always called her Nanny. For the most part, everyone calls her Nanny.

Nanny isn’t doing so well. My aunt, Jane, texted me today while we were working that she was told Nanny only has a few more days. I’m surprised at how fast she suddenly took that turn. Two weekends ago when Tesla and I visited, Nanny was pushing herself around in the wheelchair and using the bathroom in the hallway.

Now, I don’t think she gets out of bed.

She said, “I hurt all over. I’m ready to be done.”

I understand. It’s nice that she is still able to communicate. My mom’s mom, who passed away just a few months ago, had no quality of life. She didn’t even know she was there. When I last saw her, which had been years, she was living in a nursing home in Philly, still sitting up and eating at a table. Her food was mush and she wasn’t eating it no matter how many times you tried.

Even then, Grammom didn’t know who I was. At the end, she didn’t know who anyone was, not even her daughters. God took her in her sleep, and I was happy for her.

Nanny’s been saying for years that she just wanted to die. It wasn’t until she moved to Normandie Ridge Hospice that a spark of life came back to her. She loved participating in all the activities, especially bingo. She liked getting her hair done weekly and eating at the snack bar, her favorite is the cheeseburger.

She couldn’t keep anything down and didn’t want to even try to drink. She had thrown up liquids right before we got there. Her legs are so thin. For years all she talked about was losing weight. Ironic huh?

Nanny had bladder cancer. It was removed and didn’t come back. We never talked about it. She didn’t have to do chemotherapy. That was a blessing.

She wants to be with my grandfather and my uncles, Bill and Wayne. Uncle Bill passed away when I was young, 12 years old, I think. He was 16, or almost 16. That tore Nanny up, my whole family was torn up. We all lived in the same lane and were super close. Bluebird Lane was all Criders.

I miss those days.

~P.

It pisses him off

explosion

I haven’t written about life in a long while. My need to write or fear or explosion is gone, but this not writing at all is unacceptable. It’s my husband and television to blame.

I had someone who has been reading my blog, from the beginning, in one day, drop me a note.

Hi! I just found your blog today and really love your writing!! It’s comical, edgy, and heart wrenching all in one!

I’m trying to catch up on the story… did your divorce ever get finalized? Did your ex marry Heather? Are you still with Dale? Who is Brian? Sorry… I know I’m cheating like flipping to the end of the book! LOL

I’ve skimmed through as many posts as I have time for (at work!) and can’t seem to find these milestone posts! Hope you and your daughter are doing quite well!

Good to know I can help someone get through their day at work. LOL

Ok, so I’ll just kinda pick up with today.

Even though I divorced John over a year ago, my name is still on the mortgage. He had six months to remove my name. We went to court 6 weeks ago and I said he could have two more months to assume the remaining mortgage or remortgage our property. This was part of the settlement and a payment plan that I agreed to stretch-out for 8.1 years so he could easily afford it and keep the house.

He hasn’t even applied. I talk to Wells Fargo more then he does and I don’t even live there. I’m over his drama. So, it’s back to court again.

Brian had to pick up Tesla at John’s tonight. I felt bad for him to be honest, because I know John can’t shut up. No matter who he’s around, he has to bitch about me. So John’s mouth is running like that proverbial duck’s backside and Brian let’s him ramble on and on as entertainment.

It’s worthy to note that John thinks I act differently in front of Brian then how I would if he weren’t present. John implied that I actually wasn’t the great person that Brian believes. Really John. It’s over. Let it go. I’m married to Brian now. (Is the song in your head suddenly?)

Part of his rambling was about Tesla not wanting to go to Disney World next year with us over Father’s Day weekend. I told Tesla we would go then because it fit everyone’s schedule that was attending. She feels guilty and wants to be home with her dad. I get that, but there are eight people involved in this trip. Brian’s parents are taking us, and now Brian is trying to work out other dates with his nephew’s and son’s schedule. Yes, I’m frustrated.

I think John should have been supportive considering the situation and just said to Tesla that it’s fine for her to go on a week’s trip to Disney and spend Father’s Day with her stepdad and step grandfather next year. But hey, that’s just my opinion.

I have other opinions. Like Dale should stop trying to contact me. Yeah, that PFA has expired but that doesn’t mean I want be friends. My friends don’t even want to be his friend. Dale shouldn’t be texting John to tell me “hi” and John shouldn’t be telling Tesla to tell me that Dale says hi. WTH? Dale and John are both duh, and I’m being nice.

So my favorite part of Brian telling me about John’s monologue is: John said it pisses him off every month when he has to sign that $500 check that’s being mailed to me.

That made my night.

~P.

Bike riding and sand castles at Pinchot Park

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Gross Toes & Sign Language

For whatever reason, Zeth and I became engrossed in the difference angles we could bend our toes. He also realized his feet are huge next to his sisters baseball cleats.  He was especially happy to show me the snake head with and without a tongue he could make with his fingers.

We are easily entertained.  ~P.

Zeth can make his big toe point up.  I can't.

Zeth can make his big toe point up. I can’t.

I can give Zeth the middle toe, he can't.

I can give Zeth the middle toe, he can’t.

Big foot and the wee baseball player.

Big foot and the wee baseball player.

SNAKE!

SNAKE!

Snake with tongue

Snake with tongue

Indian Echo Caverns Pennsylvania

For nineteen years (1802–1821) the caverns were the home of William Wilson, known as the Pennsylvania Hermit. Wilson withdrew from society after his failure to halt the execution of his sister WElizabeth for the murder of her twin sons. Following her death in Chester, Pennsylvania in 1786, William wandered westward across southeastern Pennsylvania, settling in the caverns in 1802. The Sweets of Solitude: Instructions to Mankind How They May Be Happy in a Miserable World, an essay supposedly written by Wilson during his time in the caverns, was published following his death. (Wiki)

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Directly underneath

Indian Echo Caverns 229

A sketch from William's diary, sad that he did not reach his sister with the pardon in time.

A sketch from William’s diary, sad that he did not reach his sister with the pardon in time.

So we learned that the first visitors of the caverns were….wait for it….Indians.  After that it was the French fur-trappers.  They were hanging out in the caves, building fires, staying dry and waiting for animals to be caught in their traps.  That was back in the 17th and 18th Centuries.  In the 19th Century ole William set up camp until from 1802 until 1821, dying a cave resident.  After that, the caves were open to people passing through, perhaps looking to advertise their business cheaply.  The first graffiti was an advertising for pretzels.

Ad Fail: The company went out of business.

Ad Fail: The Lebanon company went out of business.

There were a few other acts of graffiti following the abandonment of the caverns.  In 1929, Mr. John Beiber (no relation to Justin, our guide told us) opened the caverns to the public, with the paths improved and gravel added for safety.  The rooms of mineral deposits were opened for viewing, and handrails, light fixtures, etc. were added to assist in navigating the cavern.  It is dark, chilly, and damp, and often eerie inside, with tales by our guide about dragons and zombies.

Indian Echo Caverns 067

J. Lehner 1858 Andrew

J. Lehner 1858 Andrew

 

HI At least they kept it short.

HI
At least they kept it short.

red graffiti

red graffiti

 

I found this promotional photo from 1970 on the Indian Echo Caverns website and thought it was the bees knees.  😉

Historical photo from 1970

Historical photo from 1970

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Vintage Postcard

Vintage Postcard

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In 1942, Mr. Edward S. Swartz, a Hershey native purchased the caverns and his family still retains ownership.  The color of the caves has not been altered, they really are that colorful!

We also enjoyed the Conestoga Wagon display and the petting zoo.  🙂

Click on the first thumbnail to open the photo gallery. Enjoy and stop back again soon!  ~P.

 

Ski Round Top in the Summer Lewisberry PA

There is always activity at Ski Round Top located in Lewisberry, PA.  That mountain isn’t just for skiing anymore.  My stop there over the weekend was brief, just to check out what activities were available when there wasn’t snow on the ground.  I liked what I saw.  So did my daughter Tesla, and we have plans to make it there before school starts again for her and me.

What we found most interesting was the huge balls they were rolling down the mountain.  People climb inside and go for a roll.  There was screaming and screeching coming from inside the balls, but those sounds were of enjoyment.  People couldn’t get back to the top fast enough to do it again!

Also included in the “Trek Ticket” is zip lines.  That is second on my list to do.  I’ve never zip-lined or rolled down a mountain in a ball.

I snapped a few random photos of things that caught my eye.  Enjoy by clicking the first thumbnail to open the gallery.  ~P.

Gifford Pinchot Park~Always a fun place to visit

Pinchot Park Lake has been a favorite place of mine since I was a child.  Now it is a favorite place of my daughter’s and Dale’s son, Andrew.  There is so much to do and nature to enjoy and the best part…it is FREE!  The park is a great place to take photos.

Click on the first thumbnail~P.

Fatty Fernow & Darryl Fluffhead

When wild life comes to your door–or picnic–an ordinary day becomes extraordinary.  A toad and bird became best friends with the kids, at least for the day!

Click the first thumbnail to enjoy the photo gallery!  Thanks for stopping by! ~P.

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