I crawled out from under that rock

Seems like forever since I had the time to post.  Seriously, life has been nearly insane.  Some of that insanity has been, well, horrific, and some of that insanity has been heaven sent.  I guess you could say I’m getting it from both directions.

So here’s what’s been going on–the condensed version.

About 2 months ago, I began talking to my crush from middle school, Brian Copenheaver.  It started out just as chatting on Facebook and catching up on the last 25 years since we graduated dear old Dover High School in 1989.  We laughed online and out of the blue he asked me to lunch which I accepted as the restaurant was right by campus.  Ironically, I cancelled on him that Wednesday because I was sick as a dog and we rescheduled for that Friday.  All I can say is when I saw him in person, I knew I was with the wrong person in life and he said the same thing.  Five days later, we had broken up with our significant others, neither of which took that breaking up very well.

At Brian's family Christmas party.  Brian and his son Matthew, Tesla and I.

At Brian’s family Christmas party. Brian and his son Matthew, Tesla and I.

Mine went much worse than his and finally ended with me filing for a protection from abuse order which was granted and I retained use of my townhouse.  My ex-boyfriend felt it necessary to bring my future ex-husband into the PFA hearing claiming that I was lying about what had happened and in fact I was under no threat of harm.  Obviously the judge did not agree and so with the help of my future ex-husband, my ex-boyfriend moved out using the moving company I helped establish.  Nothing like having to see John walking through my house as I sat across the street taking in the scene.  Now if only Dale would move on in his life and stop bothering my friends and asking out my sister.  Can you say creepy?!

I wish I could say things went much more smoothly after that, but of course, nothing is that easy in my life.  John is still fighting me on seeing Tesla more.  I filed for a modification through the courthouse and then we went to a lawyer mediation.  The lawyer did finally get him to agree to at least letting me see her every other Monday after he has his custody weekend.  John made it contingent on me passing a drug test for street and prescription drugs.  I told him I would pass with flying colors and if he wanted he could test my cholesterol and IQ if that would make him happy.  He told me not to be a smart ass, but I just can’t help myself.

I leave for India the day after Christmas.  It’s going to be doubly as hard now since I’m not just leaving Tesla, but Brian also.  Brian has been amazing with his support during such a difficult time.  Dale and John have gone above and beyond to try to break me, but this girl doesn’t break.  I hold my head high knowing I did not lie in court, nor cheat on Dale.  He can say whatever he wants, words don’t hurt me.  As long as I still see Tesla, I don’t care what names either of them call me.  I have an amazing daughter who adores me and a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally.  I can’t ask for much more.

A while back I swore I would never get married again.  I take it back….once I finally get this divorce, a divorce that has been dragging on since 2008, I would be honored to marry Brian, even if I don’t want to change my last name again. LOL

Tomorrow is my last day of fall classes at York College.  I start my final term in the spring and graduate in May 2014 and I am ready to take on life.  I recently was hired on a rotating schedule by the local newspaper, York Daily Record, and my first article will be about my trip to India.  I am pumped for the future and so in love, I feel like I’m walking on air.

Thank God I kept the dog and got rid of the boyfriend!  Ying loves Brian!

Stay tuned…I’ll be gone for a little, but hope to post while I’m in India.

Peace and Love!

~P.

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Wading through the unknown

Bring it on

Bring it on


So I filed for divorce this week, or something like that at least. Technically, John filed for divorce five years ago, but that was just to “scare” me. I guess I wasn’t scared enough. That’s when a funny thing happened, he didn’t pursue the divorce and it hung out there in limbo, keeping my life in limbo with it. It’s been painful emotionally, but I’m a survivor. A tough, country girl that isn’t taking shit from anyone anymore.

I don’t know what to expect out of divorce court. I imagine John will dredge up the past, attempting to humiliate me even more that what he already has. I look at it this way: I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and sticks and stones can break my bones but his words can no longer hurt me. He doesn’t get to yell in my face that I’m a fucking piece of shit, that I’m a terrible mother, that I’m nothing but a thief and a liar. He can’t pin me against the wall, hold me down on the bed or lock me in a bedroom or closet. He isn’t able to push me around physically or emotionally. I’ve taken my life back and it is better a hundred times over. Yeah, I have little money and material items, but I have my pride and it will never be taken from me again.

The laws in Pennsylvania are pretty clear when it comes to divorce. Husband and wife split the debts and assets 50/50. I’ve waited 5 years so when the ruling gets handed down, I’ll be doing the happy dance while John’s head swivels around like Linda Blair’s. I don’t trust him to stick to any court-ordered monthly payment and I don’t feel bad if he has to sell the house because he sure as hell didn’t give a damn if I had somewhere to live or not. In fact, he used it against me in gaining custody of Tesla.

This divorce will finally bring closure to a long, painful experience in my life. It can’t come soon enough.

Karma baby, Karma.
~P.

Dear John~Messenger Service

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

I didn’t know what you might be calling me for as I pulled up at Tesla’s Girl Scout meeting.  I answered your call, as I usually do. (you should try it)  I can not imagine what could be SO urgent that you would call your wife that wants a divorce, to ask her to tell your girlfriend you must speak to her as soon as possible.

Let me get this straight.  When I text or call you, I might get an answer, or I might not.  I realize you only respond when you feel like it.  So it take some pretty big balls to call your wife and ask her to give your girlfriend a message to return your call.  Yep, that’s some big balls there John.  Huge.

I passed on the message and Heather got to calling you as soon as she possibly could.  She is rather busy on Monday nights as the assistant Girl Scout leader.  I really hope your need to interrupt involved something important.  But I doubt it.

Team player,

~P.

Heather Called

I got a call while I was in Rhetorical Theory class.  John wanted to tell me that there was a meeting for the parent’s of the girls that were joining Girl Scouts.  Heck, Tesla even joining Girl Scouts was news to me, but that didn’t surprise me.

I get to the meeting and learn Heather is the Assistant Girl Scout Leader of Tesla’s troop.  That didn’t surprise me.

I filled out papers for Tesla to join.  I gave it to Heather, so she could have John sign on his line.  She told me they already filled out Tesla’s membership paper.  Good, I hope they paid the fee too.  (So much for needing both parents signature) That didn’t surprise me.

John showed up later, stopping before heading into York to play softball.  Tesla was going home with Heather.  That didn’t surprise me.

He said Tesla had a doctor appointment  at 7:45 AM to have her nose cauterized.  This was the first I heard about it.  That didn’t surprise me.

We had a verbal spat about how he is to discuss things like, Girl Scouts and doctor appointments, with me. He blew me off.  That didn’t surprise me.

Heather called me while I was developing film on campus.  She wanted to extend the olive branch and hoped I would be involved in Girl Scouts with Tesla.  That we could get along for what is best for Tesla.  That she doesn’t put herself in the business of John and I getting divorced or the ongoing battle of custody.  I didn’t agree with her opinion and that didn’t surprise me.

She went on and on about how wonder her and her ex husband’s relationship is, and that she would write letters to glorify her ex husband’s new wife and even sign over her children to the new wife, if it were necessary.  I didn’t really follow her thought process.  That didn’t surprise me.

Finally, I just told her she didn’t need to blow smoke up my ass anymore than I needed to blow smoke up hers.  (Maybe she got that, maybe not)  That, while her divorce is final, mine has not even started, and I have no other intention but to pursue the divorce to court and eventually, take custody of Tesla.  That, beyond the entire divorce and custody nightmare, I am glad that Tesla is a happy child even though she was not given the choice of where she wanted to live and that John and I will never agree, and it will always be a matter of what the court decides, until Tesla is old enough to make the decision that the law will take into consideration.  I told Heather, she can say she isn’t “part of the problem” but unless she truly butts out, like Dale does, she will always be part of this three-ring-circus and the way I deal with this circus is to write about it, and go to college.  I told her I am happy to have Girl Scout time with Tesla (since I can barely squeeze any other time out) and that I am certain we can all get along for what is best for our children.  I told her I am tired of being the last person to know anything, and that John’s behavior with screaming at me over being 15 minutes late returning Tesla after the fair was just ridiculous, considering he can’t give me any information about Tesla in the way the courts laid out.  That he claims I am irresponsible, but he instigates problems by disrespecting me in front of Tesla.  While she wouldn’t agree that John acts like a complete Ahole and thinks he is always right, we did manage to have a conversation lasting nearly sixteen minutes where neither of us screamed at the other or hung-up pissed off.

Now that surprised me.

~P.

Update: Heather text messaged me that the paper I signed was holding me responsible for any fundraiser money, not giving permission for Tesla to join the Girl Scouts.  Silly me, thinking she might need her mother’s permission to join, not just be responsible for all the money from endless fundraisers.

Dear John~She Called You Out

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

I knew your text that Tesla wanted to stay there over the weekend was bullshit.  When I asked Tesla what she did that was exciting over the weekend, she said “Nothing really.  We went swimming.  I got bit by a mule yesterday.”  As I opened the door to Rutter’s, taking Tesla in for lunch after the briefest of meeting with you, I was preparing myself to hear the truth, straight from a seven-year-old.

“I thought maybe you did something special since you didn’t want to come to my house this weekend.” I said.

“I didn’t say that.  I’d never say that, Mom.”

“I tried to call you but your dad didn’t answer.”

“He said I didn’t want to come?  Cause that’s not true.”

“He sent me a text.”

“Let me see it.” she said while we were eating sandwiches, so I handed it to her.  She opened my messages and went right to your name listed as “John the Man” which she finds funny, by the way.  I scrolled down for her, because there were many texts from me to you.  And, I showed it to her, and she was pissed.

You remember when she had me send you photos of her being silly in Rutter’s?  Well she wasn’t being silly in the last photo.  She was pissed because she just realized you lied and put words into her mouth that she never said.  She was mad enough to tell me to text you that she never said that.

Nothing like being called out by your kid.  Ouch.

Now, why is Tesla on some farm, getting bitten by a mule on her ankle and there was no adult in sight?

~P.

Suddenly, not so happy.

Suddenly, not so happy.  She looks more like you when she’s angry. 

 

Dear John~Again with the Control Issues

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

Time has flown by and summer has passed quickly.  The season is changing and school is just a few days away.  

You, however, haven’t changed a bit.

When you called Wednesday, the 14th, at 8:07 AM, and said I could have Tesla over the weekend, I requested getting her on Sunday, as Dale and I had actually made plans together, to go somewhere on a day-trip, maybe even overnight somewhere, you know, just him and I.  It sounds like “no big deal” to someone like you, but to us it was a special, little, “over-nighter”.

I asked to get Tesla on Sunday, anytime, even at 5 PM like the summer schedule states, but have her go back on Tuesday at 7, or earlier.  I was pretty much willing to go with whatever you said, beings a judge put you in charge and all.  What the hell was that judge thinking?  I just wanted to work this out between us.

So you suggest me picking Tesla up at 4 on Sunday and you retrieving her at 4 on Tuesday.  I immediately said that was fine, and meant it.  Sometimes I say “fine” to you just, because anything else would be inappropriate and you would most likely call the police.

Later, I’m guessing maybe Heather came home and heard we had agreed on the 4-4, Sunday to Tuesday agreement….let me consult my cellphone right now to be accurate….

1:15 PM Pic Message

1084844_611926978827395_86321858_o

Now mind you, I have a copy of this entire court order and don’t need you (and Heather) sending me pictures of the document.  When we were talking about this weekend and before Tesla starts school, it was trying to arrange more time for Tesla to be with me.  If you would like, I can take a picture of the court order where it states you should allow Tesla time with her mother beyond what is mandated.  Actually, I posted a copy of the entire court order online, and if you want, refer to it by page number there in the future.  That way, I won’t have to see Heather’s attempt of spelling Christmas and final decision to just write X-mas.

http://wp.me/p1j2Ur-QE <—custody order

At 1:27 PM I noticed your picture message and replied “We have an agreement.”  Seriously John, we HAD a verbal agreement.

AT 1:29 PM You responded “The court order clearly states what I thought that’s why I offered you the weekend so I guess we will just follow the court order.”

At 1:35 I responded “John 4 on Sunday to 4 on Tuesday is fine.  Why make a big deal out of what we already agreed on.”

You never responded to my text.  I think I called once, maybe twice.  Finally Tesla did call me Thursday and when I mentioned seeing her Sunday she immediately said she couldn’t come.  Do you hear the sound of her voice when she has to tell me such things?  Of course when you and I got on the phone you said I had my chance and passed.  What the hell John?!  Way to make it sound like I don’t want my child when you KNOW I do and you KNOW she is standing right there listening.  So I say, “Fine, I’ll get her Friday and she can just go where ever we go.”   Your response was exactly what I thought it would be…”I’ll let you know.”

What the hell do you mean you’ll let me know?  I don’t hear back from you for another day making it clear I wasn’t getting her on Friday.

Way to screw with my weekend, which I’m sure you enjoy.

I had texted you three times Friday, trying to get an answer.

August 16th 8:22 AM “Time I can get TT Friday?”

1:31 PM  “Are you letting TT come with me today?”

5:47 PM “Is Tesla allowed to come visit please?”

Finally, at 6:14 you text me this: “She said she like to stay here for the weekend.”  You also aren’t taking my phone calls, making it clear I can’t talk to Tesla.

At 6:34 I wrote you “So can I have her at all before school starts?  I’m sure she would like at least a day.  Please ask her.  Ty”

This morning I texted you at 8:54 AM “Are you going to let me see our daughter before school starts?”

At noon I texted you “Do you think ignoring me is appropriate?”

I still haven’t heard from you John and it is now Saturday night.  I don’t get you and I don’t appreciate being ignored.

Your controlling behavior will be your downfall.  Perhaps you should retake the kids first class because I don’t think you grasped a single concept of the “learning how to be a good co-parent for your child” program.  https://girlboxer1970.com/2011/07/11/kids-first/

Will I see Tesla this weekend?  Monday?  Tuesday?  Technically, you can make me wait until next Friday at 5 to see Tesla again.

Will you do that, propping yourself up with the court order as justification to keep Tesla to yourself?

How about giving the “court order” bullshit a rest?  And if Tesla doesn’t want to visit with me, she is capable of telling me herself.

That way I will believe it, because I don’t believe even half the shit you tell me.

You and your usual ways.

~P.

 

 

Dear John~6 days

Letters he never learns from

Letters he never learns from

Dear John,

After six days of not seeing Tesla and barely getting to speak to her on the phone, was it really to much for me to ask for 30 minutes with her to play down on the playground?  It is insulting to not only me, but Tesla also, when you say in front of her and anyone within listening range that “Tesla is going home to eat dinner with her family.”

I am her mother, you moron.  As much as you would like to pretend I don’t exist or count in her life, I very much count to her.  Who do you think is REALLY asking?  As soon as she sees me, she begins begging to leave with me or at least spend some time with me.  She’s afraid to ask you, so she asks me to do it for her.  Basically, you are telling Tesla she can’t have time with me that she desperately wants.  I drive ridiculous lengths to spend as much time with, or at least looking at, Tesla.  Asking for 30 minutes and being refused just proves your selfishness and desperate need to control Tesla and I.

Someday, just like I told her, she won’t have to deal with your stupid drama.  That’s not putting her in the middle, it’s telling her the truth.

~P.

Dear Heather~Hey what’s up girlfriend?

WRITING MY HUSBAND’S GIRLFRIEND A LITTLE LOVELESS LETTER:

Dear Heather,

See, I can even call you girlfriend and it has multiple meanings!

Let me tell you….I am just set on getting this divorce and custody taken back to the York Courthouse.  Tesla is on me every time we are alone about wanting to live with her momma.  She says she wants to live with me 14 days and John 2.  I’m not sure why she calls her dad John.  Weird huh?

It is gut wrenching to have Tesla ask me to please move home with her Daddy.  I didn’t expect John to tell her I told him she said this.  At least he didn’t “freak out” on her as she said he does do.  Tesla tells me about the trips you all take and I’m always happy for her.  I’m glad she likes you.  I’m not glad that she is so damn confused on who is married to who and the whole brother (whose name she can’t remember half the time) and sisters.  Your kids see their dad much more than I see Tesla.  Don’t you find that strange?  Or do you join in on “keeping my visits with Tesla in check?”

I take one day at a time.  Karma is driving a big rig.  He and you can’t dodge divorcing me and your husband.  Maybe your husband would like to marry his longtime girlfriend.  You and John don’t mind holding  everyone else’s lives hostage through your greediness.  You both will have to take whatever a divorce master decrees.  No matter what, I’m looking forward to my day in court and the truth will set me and Tesla free.

Courthouse parking sucks,

~P.

Dear Heather~Trick or Treat!

Dear Heather,

Your absence was noticeable tonight.  Sad your children miss out on trick or treating in their own neighborhood because you can’t handle my presence.  It’s ok though.  John called me Heather and everything!  It’s almost like you were there in spirit.  I told him he really needs to work on getting his woman’s names right.  I found it wildly amusing, but I’m sure you won’t.

Don’t worry, we didn’t stay out late having a good time without you.  Though you not being there made it so much easier to flirt with each other when Tesla and Blaine went to peoples doors.  Heck even our friends at Pizza Town thought John and I were still together.  We did look like one happy little family.  Damn we are good at fooling people…guess that was our little trick of the night.

Someday he might be over me.  But I doubt it.   Expect my presence every year…if you’re still in the picture.

Happy Halloween!

~P.

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