Dear Heather~Hey what’s up girlfriend?

WRITING MY HUSBAND’S GIRLFRIEND A LITTLE LOVELESS LETTER:

Dear Heather,

See, I can even call you girlfriend and it has multiple meanings!

Let me tell you….I am just set on getting this divorce and custody taken back to the York Courthouse.  Tesla is on me every time we are alone about wanting to live with her momma.  She says she wants to live with me 14 days and John 2.  I’m not sure why she calls her dad John.  Weird huh?

It is gut wrenching to have Tesla ask me to please move home with her Daddy.  I didn’t expect John to tell her I told him she said this.  At least he didn’t “freak out” on her as she said he does do.  Tesla tells me about the trips you all take and I’m always happy for her.  I’m glad she likes you.  I’m not glad that she is so damn confused on who is married to who and the whole brother (whose name she can’t remember half the time) and sisters.  Your kids see their dad much more than I see Tesla.  Don’t you find that strange?  Or do you join in on “keeping my visits with Tesla in check?”

I take one day at a time.  Karma is driving a big rig.  He and you can’t dodge divorcing me and your husband.  Maybe your husband would like to marry his longtime girlfriend.  You and John don’t mind holding  everyone else’s lives hostage through your greediness.  You both will have to take whatever a divorce master decrees.  No matter what, I’m looking forward to my day in court and the truth will set me and Tesla free.

Courthouse parking sucks,

~P.

Dear Heather~Trick or Treat!

Dear Heather,

Your absence was noticeable tonight.  Sad your children miss out on trick or treating in their own neighborhood because you can’t handle my presence.  It’s ok though.  John called me Heather and everything!  It’s almost like you were there in spirit.  I told him he really needs to work on getting his woman’s names right.  I found it wildly amusing, but I’m sure you won’t.

Don’t worry, we didn’t stay out late having a good time without you.  Though you not being there made it so much easier to flirt with each other when Tesla and Blaine went to peoples doors.  Heck even our friends at Pizza Town thought John and I were still together.  We did look like one happy little family.  Damn we are good at fooling people…guess that was our little trick of the night.

Someday he might be over me.  But I doubt it.   Expect my presence every year…if you’re still in the picture.

Happy Halloween!

~P.

Dear Heather~Rent is due

Dear Heather,

John says you pay rent.  Is that why he’s not getting any coochie-coo?

ROFLMAO,

~P.

Dear Heather~get in line

Dear Heather,

I realize you must insert yourself into every single part of my daughter’s life so you feel like you are someone.  You even have it in your head that you’re Tesla’s step-mom and all your kids are step-siblings.  Funny as Tesla only refers to Zeth and Jarrid as her brothers.  Even today, when you weren’t permitted to come back for Tesla’s surgery, no one mentioned your name because you are no one but the current girlfriend in a long line of women.

When you realize that, maybe you’ll understand.  In the meantime, stop telling me when Tesla goes to her father and that you are going to sue me.  You sound as ridiculous as the last girlfriend that used to do the same thing.  She cut ties with John when he decided to try out a boyfriend.  Then again, you already know about that side of him.

So, shut up and just play your part of fill-in wife.  Doesn’t make you a wife or a step-mom….just the next chick that’s laying in my bed.  At least you’re not a dude.

Trust me, you won’t be the last in line.

~P.

Dear Heather~Stupid Faces

Dear Heather,

Yesterday, after I dropped Tesla back off at 7:04, I had to restrain myself from laughing my ass off at you, as you made stupid faces at me.  WTH?  I was trying to get you to pull out onto the road because you were blocking my sight of view.  Imagine my joy when instead, you start making stupid faces.  Holy cow that was awesome!  Some might even say an amusing improvement.

Was this some twisted elementary school game of “You go first!  No YOU go first!”  I didn’t care who went first, but it would have made the most sense if you had waited until I pulled out of the driveway and left.  This way you could have avoided driving through the yard and spinning in the grass.  Did you get yelled at or didn’t John even notice the bare patches of dirt?

John was pretty pumped up for his game, wearing his green uniform; he looked like an elf.  It’s the ears.  Did you ever notice how his ears are pointy?  Tesla’s are like that too, well, one of them anyway.

So you were in such a rush to get out of there (I got a warning phone call from John so you must of been pitching a fit when I was 3 minutes late) but then you stop at the top of the yard and insist I pull out.  I swear you stopped because you knew you were tearing up my yard trying to drive a mini-van full of kids to the road.  What was the big hurry, other than leaving with my child as quickly as possible but making sure I knew YOU were in charge of Tesla and not me?  Later, when John told me you went to the park, I was annoyed.  Why don’t you go to John’s games?  Take the whole crew to the games…there is a park there!  It’s so crystal clear that you two are determined to limit my time with Tesla.  I can not wait for her school to let out.  And the stupid faces as I pulled out… just made me realize just how immature you are.  All this bullshit over Tesla’s clothes, sneakers, etc. is just your immaturity showing in a situation you shouldn’t even be in.

Keep up the faces….I enjoy them even more than your angry, indignant look.

Oh….if your mommy never told you…One of these times your face will stay like that.

~P.

Dear Heather ~4:45 PM

 

Dear Heather,

   Where the hell were you at 4:45?  You had to have left my house with my daughter intentionally.  That or you just didn’t know because John is so busy working he can’t even take time to know where you are going with our child, nor when you will be bringing her back.

    How is it that you have my child while my husband is out of town working.  Not only does Tesla miss spending time with me, she misses soccer or any damn other thing Tesla and I wanted to do.  We would not have chosen to run around where ever you have to go with your children.

     Not answering the phone when I call or text is just ignorant.  John doesn’t know what’s going on. He didn’t know you were leaving with Tesla.  And, it doesn’t surprise him that you don’t answer his call either. 

WTH?  How do I know you didn’t kidnap my child?  I could call the cops and be justified, but I won’t do that to my daughter.  It worries me that you are caring for my child.  This is not right. 

Where is Tesla?

~P.

Seriously…you call me from my old office number?

 Wow…now here is excitement…Heather called.

She has started a lawsuit against me and began listing the reasons why she was going to sue me for everything that I have and didn’t care if I went broke (went broke? I am broke!)….I became bored hearing her voice and asked if she had this in writing…she replied a letter will be sent to your lawyer.  (now her lawyer is sending me letters to sue me for my half of my undecided divorce?) I hung up before she was done with the list.  I’d rather read it than listen to her voice go on and on and on.

WHY? I am talking to her kids.  Wait until she hears about soccer tonight then….tonight John told me I could let the girls come look at my cycle…this at Bria’s request.  She sat with Tesla and I during the drink breaks.  I didn’t make her move her drink.  She came and sat with us.  I could go on…better than fiction!

Wait ……….Is my half of the future divorce what Heather is seeking in a lawsuit?

This is non-fiction and it’s mine.  I can’t make this up!  I texted John to ask if he even knew she called…

Thank God I am a writer.

Thank God for my readers.

OXOX

~P.

Dear Heather~ You’re uncomfortable

Dear Heather,

Yes, I saw you at the school today.  I’m sure you saw your child talking to me.  When your children speak to me, I talk to them.  Isn’t that how “being nice to others” works?

So this afternoon, when you had to come up to my car to talk to me, I was surprised at what you had to say.   (you really want that step-mom roll don’t you?)

You don’t “feel comfortable” with me talking to your children.  I don’t seek out your children to talk to them.  When they see me at the school, gym, etc. I would think you could appreciate that I go out of my way to be nice and show your children that Tesla’s mom is not the “psycho-bitch, money spending, lazy, drug-dealing, lying, cheating whore of a mother” that my husband paints me to be.

Do you think I will pull your child aside and say negative things?  What do you think I would say?  I know my name gets bashed at the house, but that doesn’t mean I would do the same to you.

So Heather, you don’t feel comfortable?  Big fucking deal!  I don’t feel comfortable with you talking to my child.

Side tangent——> especially since I’ve learned how tragic your children’s lives have been since you became separated from your hubby.  Really, the nerve of you to insinuate I am doing something negative, hurtful or dangerous in my writing.  You raise the privacy issue, but you had no problem identifying who you are on my blogsite.  Since it’s not to hard to figure out who my husband is, it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to realize people already know where you live.  Duh.

So as I suggested, you tell your children that they can’t talk to me.  You explain what the fuck your problem is, other than it bothers you that your children (especially your youngest) talk to me and like me.  If they talk to me, I am going to respond, because that’s what is polite.  Can’t you and John recall learning all this simple shit in kindergarten?  The children in the house have a better head on their shoulder’s than you two do.  Acting like this Heather just makes you look bad to your kids and Tesla.  I remember meeting you the week you and John hooked up….you wanted us to be friends.  Jesus, Mary and Joseph….you were priceless.

Not only am I uncomfortable with you talking to my child, I have a whole list things I am uncomfortable with, but I’ll save it for another time.

Tesla’s coat really needs laundered.  Could you use my washing machine and dryer and take care of that please?

Thanks g/f

~P.

Dear Heather~OMG!

Come on out and chat!

Dear Heather,

Guess who popped up in my life?  Give up?  A skeleton of yours has come out of the closet and wow, I am in shock.

So much more makes sense to me now.  Things that were a mystery have been solved, and it’s not pretty.  Not pretty at all.

As far as I’m concerned you don’t deserve to be in my daughter’s life.  I wonder how much of your past you were honest about with my husband.  I can only imagine how that conversation went.

Heather:  I cheated on my husband.

John:  I cheated on my wife.

Heather:  I own a home with my husband.

John:  I own one with my wife.

Heather:  I have four children.

John:  I have one, but would love four more.

Heather:  I am still married.

John:  I am still married!

In unison: OMG!! We are perfect for each other!

How much does John know about your past?  He does like to think of himself as the “saver of women” so maybe that was part of the appeal.  He might even go as far as to think he is the “Savior of Women” in his mind.

You might not have a record Heather, but you do have skeletons in your closet.  I think I have been giving you credit you don’t deserve.  You and John could compete for the number of skeletons you have in the closets.

There are many closets to come out of.

Creeeeeeeeeeeek,

~P.

Heather, are you cozy?

Dear Heather,

How are things going honey?  I get the impression, “it’s not been all that great.”

I feel for ya.  Been there, done that.  Plus all your children, each affected by you moving in with John.  My sons eventually, were just disgusted with me for trying to get things right, but not living up to John’s standards.

You feeling secure in your relationship with my husband? ‘Cause if you are, you really need to rethink that one.  Your moving into my house, with children so quickly, just shows me how little you know John.

Just what I’m thinking these days.  Words get around.

Don’t get to cozy…I know John.

Good Luck!

~P.

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