Who the **** did I marry?

I watch that show “Who the bleep did I marry?” and cross my fingers there is never an episode written about me.

Last night I tried to be a supportive co-parent and invited John into my home to talk.  I just wanted to know what happened when Tesla wrecked the 4-wheeler.  Immediately John confirmed my suspicions by admitting Tesla fell off the atv.  He says Tesla didn’t run into him with the atv but just hit bumps in the yard and fell off.  The atv continued across the yard without Tess.

Now I don’t know what day this happened but on Friday the sudden doctor appointment for a cold appears to be a bunch of bullshit.  According to John, the doctor  checked her out for injuries and found nothing.  Interestingly enough, there is no documentation on the doctors report even mentioning an atv accident or possible injuries.  Nor did John get in writing that the doctor now doesn’t feel Tesla could benefit from art therapy.

I told him I didn’t think Tesla was big enough to ride the atv on her own and her falling off and hurting herself was enough to confirm it for me.

He said, “well when she’s with you, she doesn’t have to ride.”  (That makes perfect sense since I don’t have three atvs at home.)

I realized this part of the conversation was going nowhere and told him just to leave.  I wanted to hug and kiss Tesla without the goon behind me.

rainbow mohawk ballet dancer

Tesla had on her dance tutu on she picked out at the Harrisburg Farm Show.  I asked her if she was going to wear it to dance class tomorrow and she said “yes!”

As John walked out he said, “no dance tomorrow” and I paused closing the door.

“No dance tomorrow either?  What about gymnastics on Wednesday?  Is she even taking lessons anymore?!”  My frustration at his constant changing of Tesla’s schedule was growing by leaps and bounds.

“Actually no.  She is starting soccer in February.”

You know how the needle scratching across a record sounds?  That is how it felt hearing this.  From what I could understand last night, dance and gymnastics have been scrapped and now soccer is the latest interest.  I have never, not even a tiny mention, heard from Tesla that she wants to play soccer.  She loves dance and gymnastics so why the hell is soccer becoming their replacement?  So her favorite activities have now ceased.  I imagine it gets expensive having 5 kids in dance and/or gymnastics.  I would like to see Tesla stay in at least one of her favorite activities but now that John has a huge family, I guess that’s not possible.  Even if I wanted to pay for and take Tesla to dance or gymnastics, he would never agree to it.  That would be “losing control” of Tesla’s schedule to me and that is completely unacceptable in his world.

So much was hitting me at that second I couldn’t think straight.  What it boiled down to was there was no activity I could attend during the week to see Tesla and when I asked him when I could see her, he said “in two weeks” meaning my weekend to have her.  He actually smiled at me when he said that.  I said, “you are on a power trip with this custody order.  Why would you keep Tesla from seeing me?”

His response: “I’m not keeping her from seeing you.  I’m just following the court order. Call the judge, maybe she will let you see Tess on Wednesday.”

Tesla and I hugged and kissed goodbye.  We were both shook up by her father’s words.  Tesla had just learned that dance and gymnastics were over for her and we wouldn’t be seeing each other for 2 weeks.

Everyone is just a pawn in John’s game of life.



I knew this day was coming.  Didn’t matter how many times John told me not to worry about the house payments.  That’s hard to do since my name is on the mortgage and deed just as his is.  I see now, John wasn’t that worried about it at all. 

Now our house is in foreclosure.  There is 30 days to pay the last three months balance of $6496.59.  The second mortgage is behind also.  Between the two, probably $8400 is past due. 

Am a surprised?  Yes and no.  What surprises me the most is he has JUST moved his new girlfriend in with her FOUR children. Why move her in, especially if the house is in foreclosure? I wonder if this Heather even knows the house is in foreclosure…. 

Kelly just put $10,000 of her own money into my house last year.  Why make changes to a nice house with a new bedroom edition using your own money on a house that isn’t yours?  That’s just stupid!

So now Heather is appreciating all the changes of my house that Kelly just paid for.  Pretty soon, no one will be enjoying the house because the bank will be taking it back.  The ACT 91 NOTICE was very direct.  Pay now or say good bye.

If you can’t support the house you have, at least try to sell it while you can.  Our credit is already ruined.  I can only guess at this point that he plans to file bankruptcy.  It’s not like John and I talk.  He’s to stubborn to listen to anything I have to say. 

When we split up, our finances were at least still in order.  Yet it was always me at fault for everything that was going wrong.  Perhaps skipping on two new four wheelers for himself, two timeshares, an addition to an already large home and replacing the pool would have allowed the house to be saved now.  Listening to what your wife thinks isn’t a bad idea.  Sometimes John would listen, but he would do whatever he wanted anyway.

What “John The Man” wanted was the house, business, money, cars, vacations,  (just add any worldly good here) and it didn’t work out great for him.  Maybe this Act 91 Notice will wake him up and do the right thing….finish with the divorce! 

That is highly unlikely to happen.

“Tell it to your therapist”

That is good advice, right?  Everyone should have a therapist.  Whether it’s your friend, family or a paid counselor.  I had an appointment with my therapist today.  Tesla was at daycare enjoying a few hours with her friends.  I had just finished working on my history homework then drove to the therapist’s office.  Shortly after settling into the comfy chair, my cell phone started screaming (literally, my phone screams/laughs wildly when I get a text) and it was from John. 

“I am picking up tess at daycare”

Now he had just told me he couldn’t pick Tesla up at daycare because he had obligations.  He didn’t say exactly what those obligations were and I didn’t ask.  He would have to pick her at 5 pm at home.  Now, at a little before 3pm, he is picking her up??

I texted him back “I already told her I would get her.  I didn’t take her meds to daycare.  sorry.”

“I will pick up meds tomorrow.  I am pulling in there in 5 minutes to get tess.”

I responded “u r a pain in my ass.  her’s too”

Now, remember, I’m sitting in my therapist office in her big comfy chair, sipping my coke and eating a Big Apple’s Bagel sandwich.  Cathy, my amazing counselor, sat back and listened to me read to her what John’s texts said and what my responses were.”  I mentioned a few thoughts I would like to text to him, but that would have just been ugly.

John’s response to being told by his wife that he is a pain in her ass and his daughter’s ass too….

“tell it to your therapist”

Cathy’s jaw dropped when I read that one out loud.

Sweet guy huh?  Sorry I’m concerned about the way you constantly and continually cause Tesla and I to rearrange our lives.  Where we live, what support we receive, if we receive support, custody issues etc.  Yet, no divorce.  No real appraisal on the house or the business.  Joint debt piling up, our names tangled on legal forms.  Lines of credit, now choking the life our of my good credit.  So many worldly goods.  Overindulgence of adult toys.  (not those kind of toys…come on!)  Four wheelers, hot rods, time shares, swimming pool, etc.  Hell, I was sad when my Mercedes was re-poed.  That was a great car and I sure miss it.  BUT, I have another car that no one would bother to steal, much than yet repo.  I don’t live in a big house, that was made even bigger.  The basement of my parents isn’t killing me, but it doesn’t seem fair.  I don’t look far into the future. Trying to be patient.   Life changes during divorce.  I get that.  Tesla gets that.  The people reading this blog GET THAT.  WHO doesn’t get that? (besides the obvious)

Divorce is change.  Life has been changing constantly since 2008.  I don’t know what my future holds.  I see clearly there is no future in my marriage other than divorce….I just can’t seem to shake the 230 lb bald dude that doesn’t want to be married to me.

So John is pissed that I’ve taken to this cyber therapy.  Just telling my therapist wasn’t enough.  I have the whole world to talk to!! 

John texts, “just keep digging that hole, smartass. I am counting on it.”

Yeah, well MY lawyer says I can blog about whatever I want.  Anyone can comment or give their side of any blog I write.  I’m not scared.   Of course I won’t blog about all my little stories.  I have to save the incredibly painful, ridiculous, abusive and hard to believe stories, for my book. 


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